LiLdUdEt'S LiFe

Crap FINALLY Hit the Fan!!!

2005-02-22T18:44:00.000-08:00

well... needless to say, i am still on jv... its been a while since i posted last and nothing really has changed. its gettin easier to watch the varsity games, but it is still not exactly normal... if it weren't for my great friends i wouldn't stay for anything... its still the whole left out feeling that really sucks. school is going good and as far as the jv season, we are winning and we have only lost one game to like the best team in the state... lol. my parents come to my games, but my dad refuses to pay and watch me on jv, so he sits down past the dug out. he has done it like two times, but tonight an administrator came over and told him to pay and my dad, being his usual self, pretty much said im not gonna pay so ur gonna have to kick me out... next thing i know, i look over, during my game, and dr. mitchell, the principle, is over there. my heart def. skipped a beat and then i was just thinking... O-M-G!!! i swear they were talking for like atleast 15 mins and anything and everything was brought up, dealing with softball. im not sure exactly wat was said but dr. mitchell said to write him an email and so when my parents left, they came home and typed up a "nice" little email to fill dr. mitchell's ear. who knos wat will happen from hear... it will be interesting to find out. i dont kno if i mentioned this, but i email my coach and asked him wat i need to improve on and like 5 days later he responded... andrew responded to the email i sent as well... for now all is well... but who knows wat the future holds... def a new boy im into!!! we'll see how that turns out!

It's Too Hard...

2005-02-16T16:18:00.000-08:00

today was an ok day, as far as school. second period ag was the usual... boring! fourth period was interesting, chem., our teacher decided to finally teach and stop being layed back... which suxs because now we'll have to do work... supposedly, a student said somethin and he almost got in a ton of trouble so now he is like hard core, OCPS regulations. sixth period sga, was the usual. sit around, talk, relax, and do cool projects. after school, i drove to the front and then i went into the training room to chill because i had like an hour. the hot trainer was there and i actually talked to him a lot... it was pretty much just me, him, and t katz. he is sooo hot... and only like 20 or 21! all was well until softball... i kno shocker! we had our game and it was really boring because the score was 10-0 in the first inning... we could not end the game cause u have to play a certain ammount of innings so it took forev. the end score was 28-1, our second victory. heres the thing, it seems that every game i am gettin worse because the pitching is too slow and it is no fun because the competition level is nothing. after our game i figured i would chill, get a bite to eat, and watch varsity play... i was good for the first 15 mins, but then i began to think back to last year, i was like, that should be me out there and i remembered the pregame warmup as i watched varsity warm up... dayna's gma said we miss u and pointed to the field... i love ur gma to death, but that was already on my mind and it made things worse... my eyes started tearing up and next thing i kno it was like the nile. i kept wiping my eyes, because i didnt want anyone to see me crying and ask, but it just wouldnt stop... as my eyes are puffy and filled with tears, the hot trainer comes over and talks to me and is like wat was the score of the game and i told him...he got a look on his face and i knew he noticed, but didnt quite kno wat to say so he left... then coach howell, walks by and looks at me for a min and then walks... he saw the tears too... after that i decided it was time for me to leave... i got up and sprinted to my car and just sat and cried for about 15 mins. katelyn's parentals walked by and i ducked because i didnt want to be seen by anyone and not very many people have my car... after balling, i decided to leave and come home, because there was no way that i could watch... ITS JUST TOO HARD! i want to email coach howell but i dont want him to get the wrong impression of me... i dont kno wat to do, but i cannot stick the whole season out like this, and preferebly i dont wanna quit. i will prolly email him and ask him wat i can do to improve and stuff cause this whole JV thing SUX! i need ideas... i feel as if nobody can relate to me. i dont want to seem like a crybaby, but it is really hard... and no... its not that time of the month. its hard when all of ur friends are on varsity and u are stuck by urself on jv. im sorry to those on varsity, i really wanted to stay and watch yall kick butt, but its too hard! good luck ladies! im off to work soon... have a good night!

Well At Least I WAS Having a Good Day!

2005-02-14T14:42:00.000-08:00

valentines day... aka chris's b-day... it was good. i got some stuff from friends. kate gave me a bag filled with cool stuff, katie gave me a really sweet note, and david... he decorated my locker in hearts and he put a heart with chocolates in my locker. it was really cool because i did not have a clue and it was a really cool thing to see. thanks to all... HAPPY B-DAY CHRIS!!! i hope that ur day was really good and cool. ur gettin old!!! lol... so my day was good... as far as school... and i got some cool stuff from my parents and i just got a valentine card in the mail from V. anyways, the day was good until softball :( today, it finally sunk in that i was still on JV... today, katiecorn was officially moved up and i realised that i was the only one of my close friends on jv. it sucked!!! when i was running to huddle up with jv, i started crying and people started to look at me and i told them that it was really sunny and my eyes were watering... being separated from your friends SUCKS! during the whole infield and outfield, i tried to put it in the back of my mind, yet it was the annoying little sibling that wouldnt leave me alone... i cried a little bit, a lot, if that makes any sense. to realize that everyone else that was good was on v and i was on jv... it truly made everything that happened today suck really bad... a song that really applies to my life right now is, Welcome to my Life by Simple Plan... if u dont know what the words are like in that song and you are curious, u should look up the lyrics... the WHOLE song applies... right now, ive only missed one varsity game and it already seems like ive missed out on so much! LIFE SUCKS!!! well im going to go mope the rest of the evening... sorry to anyone that i was a butthole to... CONGRATS KATE about a future relationship, and CONGRATS KATIE about being on varsity!!! I love yall!!!

Saturday... Busy as Ever...

2005-02-07T16:05:00.000-08:00

i woke up around 9:30 on saturday, which for me is extremly late. i had to get ready to go to taekwondo... nighthawk started his own school and he needed a "trained professional" to come and help him. it was extremely packed with a whoppin 3 kids. they were all really yound and didnt do any of the things right but it was cool because they looked up to me and i got to teach a lil... as a freakin orange belt... soon to be green i hope!!! anyways, if u dont kno belts thats pretty low to the bottom, but higher than all of them... after that, nighthawk and i sparred, which is fighting with protective gear, but full force... he predominatly was better than me but i got him pretty good a few times... after that we worked out for a lil while and then we had to go do the risers for this singing group called the sweet adelines... a bunch of really nice older ladies with freakin good voices... after that i rushed home to go to my cousins weddin reception. he got married on a private island and only like 10 people went and so it was like a casual party thing. i hung out with my 2nd cousins which was cool cause they are fun, not to mention on the more wealthy side!!! it was my cousins bday party that day so he had a moonwalk that was really cool and fun... he got tons of presents and i helped him build all the hot wheel things and hes too young to kno how to do it so i built it for him... it was cool. for xmas he got a new and bigger dirt bike which was cool but the kid really doesnt need anything else... w/e if i go over sometime ill get to ride it... they have a two dirtbikes, one for him, one for his dad, three four wheelers, a jet ski, and a boat... they are fun to hang with because they have the cool toys that i never got but always wanted... well i have the boat but w/e. i said my goodbyes to my cousin and new wife and we came home where i passed out right away!

Skipping... Not Really!

2005-02-07T15:52:00.000-08:00

on friday, i woke up extremely early and went to my church for prayer breakfast... i got there and i realised how much that i truly did not feel like going to school so i came up with a plan to not go and i tried to get my friends to go in on it as well... im not a hard core skipper so, i asked my madre if i could and suprisingly, she said yes... she did not care because i love school and i never skip or anything, plus i have good grades... so i talked to some friends about it and it ended up that kate and tracy were allowed to stay home but unfortunatly katiecorn and david were not as lucky. katie had to be at school because she had some important classes, unlike me, and she could not afford to miss. david could not come because he had a project due. so i had already told katie and david that i would take them to school so, all five of us, me, kate, katie, tracy, and david piled up in "the bird terd" and headed off to school. we got there a lil early and so i waited in the car till kyle drove up and i asked to drive his car. he let me cause he owes me big because he left his lights on and i jumped his car a couple days prior. so while im drivin his car, i turn a corner and i see " the bird terd" flyin down the straitaway... i look to see who is in the drivers seat and its katiecorn... thank goodness we did not get caught because that would have sucked big for her and me. so we left school and thankfully i got out... there is a security guard at the entrance to check for decals... no turnin back now! so we headed over to kate's house to clean her room, then to tracy's, then to mine... so we skipped school to clean... so technically i do not call it skippin... its more like our parents all said we didnt have to go to school so we hung out and cleaned. then at around 2:15 i took tracy home and kate and i went to softball... it was all good... after softball i went home and ended up goin to the girls bball game... which we won... of course... like 64-36 or somethin crazy like that...that pretty much sums up my fantastic friday of the past week!!!

Could Tonight Get Any WORSE???

2005-01-31T16:44:00.000-08:00

tonight... i look back and say wow... this is the type of day when its sunny and your driving down the road and your check engine light comes on and next thing you know your car breaks down on a road in the middle of nowhere, you go to call someone on your cell and your battery dies just when u are fixin to tell someone where u are, so u begin to walk to find someone, clouds quickly emerge from the sunlight and it starts to sprinkle, then it starts to pour, you wonder if it could get any worse and u get struck by lightning! so i come home and no one here knows about how rotten my day was, but i see my parents on the couch. ring ring... i hear the phone and my mother picks it up. im on the computer and i overhear wats going on and its my brothers ex girlfriend... she is a skank... she is pullin her crap that she always pulls and it goes on for a while... for some reason, everytime somethin between my brother and her... my parents and i are drug into it... this proceeds for a while and everyone looses their appetite... my day is now even worse because my parents are in a horrible mood and the stress factor on a scale of one to ten is like 99! so my nieve bro comes over for dinner and i begin to ask him questions and he tells me to stay out of it... it isnt my biss... u kno me... so i keep at it... my dad threatens to take my car away because i didnt stop and i called her a skank and he got pissed as if he was in 1st grade.. so not only did school suck... i come home and almost get in a load of trouble and it is still goin on... I NEED PRAYER!

Today Was Rough!!!

2005-01-31T15:19:00.000-08:00

well...today was by far the worst day of my life in a while... i came to school in an ok mood but my mind was heavy... lately, i have been thinkin about my relationship with andrew... and the more i think about it... the more i regret my decision... i came to school thinkin about andrew and things that have recently happened. once we separated, he got back together with his ex... refer to post about boys... its kinda like a slap in the face because i think that i am prettier than her and it is extremely hard to see him with his hand around another chick... REALLY HARD!!! then to put the icing on the cake... today in the hall i saw them kiss. my dearest friend pointed out the his gf is wearin hte same exact shirt as me!!! seriously... if i had access to a change of clothes, i woulda changed my attire. anyways, w/e its a big deal because im a girl who doesnt kno how to handle my emotions and i prolly am just makin a big deal out of nothin... today i was going to talk to him because i thought they had broke up about the whole thing because niether of us had any closure but i saw her and my day took a downward spiral. it is hard for me to understand how someone can act so upset about not being together and a week later, be going out with someone when i am still struggling! today was pretty much the worst day ever... in 6th period i have the same class as his gf and i saw them kiss again and then people saw we had the same shirt on and i was asked like twenty questions about if we had planned it when really i didnt even want to be surrounded by her... i dont blame people because they dont kno wats goin on. im sorry for anyone who had contact with me today because most likely i was a tru butt-hole! i kno i snapped at u kate but i am really sorry :( then i go to practice, still in a bad mood and i am still on jv which really really suxs! i kno i have said it before but today sucked!!! i will prolly go drown in my tears right now, but dont feel bad for me, that is the last thing i want u to do. ill be fine, this is just a wrinkle in time! a line in napolean dynamite that directly relates to my day is this... Grandma: "how was school?" Napolean: "the worst day of my life, what do you think?" one day i hope he reads this and realizes wat i am going through for him!

Long Time No Talk...

2005-01-25T17:11:00.000-08:00

so... its been a while and a ton of crap has happened since then. where do i start... my schedule has been hectic with the end of the soccer season and softball beginning. tonight was our first and last district game :( the soccer season was great... even though at times it was rough. tonight we played west orange and we lost 4-0... this was partially due to the ref that was stupid and didnt know wat to call, and this drama queen who always gets the ref on her side! w/e... it was bull! so last week was try outs for softball and it was rough... i thought i did really go but u kno... nothin seems to favor me! i only got one day and one hour compared to everyon else's five full days... and i think that has a ton to do with it. well, they posted the teams on monday and i looked up on the varsity list and my name wasnt there... all the sudden, my heart sank! last year, as a freshman, i was on varsity! this year there is a new coach and that is part of the problem. i was really ticked off because i think it is unfair and a true "slap in the face" to make this even worse, there are quite a few people on varsity that do not belong there, and they kno who they are! so, as of right now, i hear that if i work hard in practice, i will get moved up. if i dont get moved up i will be t o'ed! its the fact that everyone knows the coach made a bad mistake that kills me... its one thing if i suck and people dont think that i should be on it, but it is def. another thing when multiple people think it is messed up and not right! so, as for now i will stick it out and hope for the best. if things dont change soon, i might not be participating in fast-pitch this year!!! well... ill try to keep u posted and let u kno wat happens... later!

TGIF!!!

2005-01-14T20:15:00.000-08:00

thank goodness its friday... this week at school was really really long and now it is friday. hopefully the weekend will go good... but it has started off kinda bad! for starters, i lost my driving priveleges(other than school and work) which was horrible tonight. then i asked to go to the movies and the said no, but i got to go... it was rough! katiecorn, kate, d-rew, zac, sean, and i went to see coach carter, which by the way, is an extremely good movie. i had fun just hangin out with them and now i am back home. unfortunatly, plans for tonight have failed and im stuck here all alone... and tomorrow i have to work!!! well, my weekend is going not to good so far, hopefully it will cheer up soon. wanting a valentine for valentines day... but the forecast is thunderstorms... anyways im gonna go to bed! Gnight!

I HATE to Lose!!!

2005-01-11T18:54:00.000-08:00

So... today, we had a game and stuff and we definitly got out butts whooped... but we were expecting it... thats for sure... we played edgewater and they are like 3rd in state... AMAZING! anyways... i saw an old friend from middle school and we got to talk for a min or two, it was really cool. i just hate to lose and this year our season has been a losing season... unfortunatly... well, onto something else... i have not really blogged in a while due to the busy schedule and whatnot... so let me catch u up... school is the same as usual... boring... but yesterday, one of my best friends came home from europe after being gone a couple of weeks... really missed her but enjoyed hanging out with katiecorn! life is just as busy as ever, and sometimes i just try to stop and let myself catch up with things going on... well, somethin moy importante happened yesterday and i need to write it so i never forget it... my ex... not really cause we never went out... got back togeth with his ex. its not that it is really that big of a deal but it is only because when we were "talkin" he told me that he regreted ever going out with here and so forth, and then i see them in the halls kissing and stuff. another thing he said was that he never will date a girl twice... i dont kno, people prolly think that i am jealous, but im not... its just the fact that he went back on the things that he told me and it makes me wonder if he lied to me more than that... well, im off to bed!!

School and More...

2005-01-07T20:51:00.000-08:00

bak to school... this explains y i havent been bloggin lately. i swear its like my whole break i wasnt really busy at all or anything... but i go back to scholl and all the sudden it feels like im spinning in circles. life is sooo crazy. something has been weighing heavily on my mind... i love to play sports and i really enjoy it... but it tends to take up my life... this month, soccer comes to an end and fast pitch softball starts up... i want to do it soo bad... the thing is that last year we had a coach that sorta got fired and so now we have a new coach and he is really cool, but last year i was on varsity and this year i really hope that i dont make jv... its not that i am worried too much, but there is always that doubt in ur mind that maybe... another reason i am contemplating is because, i feel like im not wanted, nor am i devoted enough... the other girls on the team live and breath softball where as i am just like i love to play it... its confusing, i think that they are kinda snooty and like way above me... last year there was a thing that was not good for my friendship... softball season came around and my friendships started to decline... actually last season i was depressed and i felt as if i had no friends... one friend talks about me behind my back... or atleast has on one occasion, and i found out and what is was was definitly something that a friend doesnt just say for no reason... she meant it... another statement was made this year... i dunno wat to do?!?! anyways thats been wieghin on my heart and i felt i needed to get it out... on a happy note... tonight was my friends surprise b-day party and it was a blast... we went to sak its a dowtown comedy club and they paid them to do a skit based on his life... it was really cool and fun!!

Break's Over...

2005-01-04T13:19:00.000-08:00

its the last day of the winter break and its almost all gone... this sucks... tomorrow i will have ot go back to the dreaded routine of waking up at the crack of dawn, feeding my pigs, going to school, going to soccer, and coming home... on a good note i had a group of friends come over for a mini halo 2 party and it was a blast... we played halo 2, watched godsend, and we watched napolean dynamite... napolean dynamite is the funniest movie in the world... well... not that far but it was funny... my favorite line is when napolean is talkin to deb at lunch and he says, " i see youre drinking 1%, is that cause u think youre fat, cause youre not, u could be drinkin whole if u wanted..." everytime i think of that line i just start cracking up! well... i better cherish the last little bit of my last day off...

Boys...

2005-01-02T13:35:00.000-08:00

the title of this blog pretty much explains where this is going. so here goes... in the past month and a half i started my first real relationship... by real i mean like a one on one date... the kid i dated was a really sweet kid and i liked him a lot but he was not all i thought he was... i met him in fca because i am an officer and he is one also. i had a liked him since last year but he didnt know who i was until this year. this was the first time that anyone i had actually liked had liked me back... so we went on two dates and i found out he was not all he was cracked up to be... i thought he was a super christain but he wasnt. after i prayed about it and talked to a couple of people about it i decided that he was not the one God wanted me to be with... pure and simple. so i sorta broke it off. we are still good friends and i still like him a lot... but not as a boyfriend or anything. so heres where the rubber meets the road... i have a friend... i have known him pretty much my whole life and i have always been drawn to him. we have gone out on more than one occasion and i truly could see myself marrying him... its just the time is not right and i dont want to push a relationship because it is not the time. but there is always that thing in the back of my mind if i see my self marrying him and what-not if i wait too long will i miss the opportunity... i sure hope not... right now single is the way for me and i think it will stay that way for a little while... hopefully this boy wont change his mind about me and will wait for me!

Love of My Life

2005-01-02T13:27:00.000-08:00

this morning was a very sad morning... the love of my life... aka adopted brother... went back home to atl. he was down for two weeks and it was really hard saying good-bye this morning, but he will be back on the 22nd so i will see him soon...

Why is Vacation Called Vacation???

2005-01-02T13:12:00.000-08:00

by definition... vacation is defined as a period of time devoted to pleasure, rest, or relaxation. well... i just got back from my vacation and it was hardly any of those things. dont get me wrong... i had a fun tim but there was also a ton of tension. we went to my grandparents house in virginia and my grandma mis-interprets many things and then that causes a ton of problems for my whole entire family. she really doesnt mean to and i feel bad for her. my grandpa is quiet and they never have had the best "relationship" and i think that that contributes a lot to my grandmas problems also. i really love my grandparents and going up there is a unique experience but i dont think that it should be called a vacation. sometimes i wonder if i am the only person who has those kinds of vacations... w/e.

First Time User

2005-01-01T17:21:00.000-08:00

well... i figure since i need to start journaling my life so i dont miss/ forget the little things, i would start a blog. plus this way if people want a way into my life... they can have it and at least the facts they will be getting will be true. so here i go... i will now start blogging!!!